Anne of Carversville is devoted to dolphin love, in and out of the bedroom. “Oh, Anne!” you exclaim. “Do not start talking about dolphin sex!”

I don’t have to because Isabella Rossellini’s ‘Green Porno’ has taken up the subject for me, with a new series ‘Seduce Me’ focused on the sex lives of ‘swinging’ species of the animal kingdom: dolphins, deer, spiders and seahorses.

As always, Rossellini is at the center of the action, looking every bit the fifties-style mermaid in this segment. Her works are a far cry from 1986 ‘Blue Velvet’, where the actress was “the sole sane person in a cast and crew of perverts and sociopaths”, says Vanity Fair.

Dolphins enjoy masturbation, homosexuality, and sex involving the fin, mouth, and blowhole. 

When they aren’t busy playing around, dolphins help humankind. By studying the bubble nets that dolphins make to catch prey — when they’re not frolicking around in their own bubble sex playground — these higher-consciousness mammals are helping researchers develop a superior sonar system called TWIPS of twin inverted pulse sonar.

The morality police would have us believe that if God’s creatures play around with the sensual gusto of dolphins, they’re good-for-nothings in the advancement of civilization.

In reality, dolphins teach us that the most sensual creatures are often the smartest. Isn’t that what Eve did to get us thrown out of the Garden of Eden? She tasted knowledge of good and evil?

‘Seduce Me’ Dolphin Video by Isabella Rossellini