My Dirty Little Secrets | When Republican Men Talk Morality & Piety, Ignore Them
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Like a good Republican, Scott Brown exhibited entrepreneurial talent, posing for Cosmo to pay for his college education.
Scott Brown dealt President Obama and the Democrats a body blow. Can we please agree right now that Mr. Brown is not qualified to run for President in another 18 months, no matter where he poses?
If a woman did this, she would be stoned to death by the Republicans … except that I know their soft side, so to speak.
This sexy nude Cosmo layout of Scott Brown got me to thinking about the Republican men I’ve dated vs the Democrats. I warn Republicans that I am am Independent liberal, and universally they assure me that they’re fiscally conservative but liberal on social policies.
Probing the meaning of that statement, I remind them that their friends are getting richer while mine are getting poorer, and they say “Oh, Anne, let’s not talk economics. Social policies is much more fun.”
So what does it mean to be fiscally conservative but liberal on social policies? I’m thinking of:
Mr. X | with his astonishing array of very expensive ($$$$$) high tech gadgets that made for off-the-charts orgasms. I felt better than Barbarella! He’s a keeper. | Republican.
Mr. Y | who wanted me to meet him at the door wearing nothing but pearls and mules, every time we went out on a date. I could then get dressed, but no bra or panties. He only bought me wrap dresses. One night he had a major erection meltdown and I had to think quickly about his male ego, so I said ‘Go ahead, spank me, even though I’m not into BDSM.’ Alas, he is MIA, which is a damn shame. | Republican
Mr. Z | who took me straight off a New York|Paris flight to what he promised was an embassy dinner where half the guests would speak English. (My French is hopeless.) In fact it was a bunch of swingers, and only the French hostess spoke English, but she was wonderfully gracious to me.
When the female lawyer bared her large breasts over dessert, I professed a massive migraine (I don’t get headaches ever) but was persuaded to do a bit of dancing, so as not to appear a typical American woman.
On my way out the door, the maitre’d held my coat, then slid his hand up my leg, saying “Madame, please do return soon. We simply adore you. ” Call me stunned!
On edge, Mr. Z and I walked in silence to the car. Finally, I said ‘Mr. Z, the maitre’d slid his hand up my leg and into my private parts. I was too shocked to slap him.’
My very wealthy trans-Atlantic consultant, who also wanted his ex to photograph naughty pictures of us even though I explained 17 times that I am not bisexual, replied: ‘I know, darling. He asked my permission first. Didn’t you see him taking your coat from me? I told him to go ahead, because you have delete - delete- delete.”
Regrettably I left Mr. Z’s mansion in Paris and moved to a hotel. Republican
It’s very challenging being a woman of sexual principle in such polluted social waters.
Bottom line, whenever any Republican gets all sanctimonious on television, just yell “Give me a break, and one that has nothing to do with taxes, unless it’s for the little people.”
When it comes to Republicans and deviant sexual behavior, we’ve got your number, boys. It’s time to put on the gloves, and I don’t mean ones like the girls wear at the Crazy Horse. xoxo Anne
