If you think life is complex for modern women, be happy you’re not a fruit fly.

One of the advantages of reading Anne of Carversville is that we try to weave existing research into new stories. We’re tracking the whole story on female fruit flies for readers, including the impact of big wings on fruit fly fertility.

An ordinary female fruit fly has major problems. When she is spectacular — the equivalent of a Victoria’s Secret Angel fruit fly with majestic wings that attract every male on the garden block — her life is downright grim.

The new research focuses on the dire necessity that fruit fly girls act like a girl and — for heaven’s sake — smell female. If a guy fruit fly thinks you’re male, he’ll fight you and probably kill you.

Researchers at Harvard manipulated a gene that governs a fruit fly’s body-surface, producing gender-specific hydrocarbons, or pheromones. The same gene governs sex-linked behavioral cues that are governed by the fly’s brain.

I don’t want to get all caught up in conspiracy theory here, but what is the exact name of the gene the Harvard heavyweights focused on? The transformer gene. If you’re clueless about why I’m a bit obsessed with the name of the gene ‘transformer’, you will have to use your wits and read between the lines.

via ronibiza, Ronald Beer, at FlickrMaria de la Paz Fernández and Yick-Bun Chan focused on the transformer gene, which is active in females but not males. By altering the gene in females, so that the fruit flies now ‘tasted’ like males, the researchers were able to generate aggression in male fruit flies towards them.

Pheromonal cues alone could label another fruit fly as a competitor, even when she displayed her best coquette seduction act, decked out in silk stockings and garter belt.

Much to the surprise of the scientists involved, the male fruit flies also attacked females that tasted like girls but displayed genetically-programmed acts of aggressive behavior. Indeed, the male fruit flies killed the alpha girls without mercy.

The Angels fruitflies who wore bombshell bras weren’t saved either. A big bosom didn’t distract a male fruit fly mad as hell.

In another part of the study, some male fruit flies were altered to display female behavior patters and pheromones. Now the males began courting the guy fruit flies and couldn’t get enough of them. With just a little genetic manipulation, the guys went gay.

This science lesson could end with the simple phrase “and who said that females are complicated!” But there’s more to the life of a female fruit fly, especially if she’s sexual bombshell caliber and has a mean pair of wings.

Researchers didn’t test male fruit fly aggression towards females after watching ‘Armageddon’, ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ or ‘The Chain Saw Massacre’. One can only assume that the massacres of innocent female fruit flies would have been even more deadly.

Transformer Gene and Fruit Fly Angels

Now back to our earlier science lesson on the sex lives of fruit flies. Let’s talk the girl with gossamer wings. Does the Victoria’s Secret Angel fruit fly get the 5-carat diamond ring and house in Greenwich or condo in Tribeca?

No. The sex queen with the biggest wings dies in real-world fruit fly life.

First, the genetically-blessed femmes are so busy fighting off males trying to mount them, the poor big-wing girls have no time to find food to eat.

Yes, they are size 0 fruit flies, and the fashion world is applauding wildly “bravo, little fruit fly”. But the girls die of malnutrition, according to Tristan Long, an evolutionary biologist at the Unversity of Toronto.

Constantly pursued by males, the glamour girls have no time out for eating on her own. All the male fruit fly wants is sex, not dinner at the Four Seasons, with sex as dessert.

He self-directed male could care less about whether his angelic beauty is starving or not. The bullish fruit fly has one objective on his mind, and it’s called sexual release.

Second — and this gets a little dicey from a morality standpoint — all the male fruit flies want the same Angel queens, the top girls. They pursue the poor starving creatures with relentless, demanding ardor, one after another.

Saying “no” is not in her vocabulary. Remember, the Angel fruit fly senses that her life is in peril if she acts like a feminist fruit fly. The alpha girls die, if you remember the Harvard study. Kaput to sassy fruit fly girls.

Nor is the Angel fruit fly in a position to say “God, leave me alone so I can find some food to eat, you cheapskates! All you want is sex!”

The Angel fruit fly probably doesn’t even enjoy having hordes of males sexing her up all day, because she has lost her libido. The highest rates of sexual dysfunction are in the sexy young babes with multiple sex partners, and I assume that fruit flies are no exception.

Again the girl with the big wings dies, being overloaded with toxic semen. She’s too weak to fly away, and she trips on those big wings, trying to find refuge deep in a peony blossom.

Reproductive success is not in her horoscope.

For certain, the fly girls of the fruit fly kingdom have fewer babies and not because she’s the second wife, in a two-career couple. She dies in babymaking disgrace, which I admit is not the case with human Victoria’s Secret Angels, who are highly fertile. I acknowledge this is a small disruptor in my story, which is mostly rock solid, in terms of th science. (Read Sexy Fruit Flies Have Fewer Babies.)

The moral of this research study is that modern women should stop complaining. We should stop envying all the Angel girls, because real-life, evolutionary biology is far more complex than fashion magazines and fashion shows project.

Fruit flies and humans share more than 60 percent of the same genes, including many behavioral ones. What if male attitudes are more similar to those of our fruit fly cousins than we want to admit?

Lock down your transformer genes and keep your hats on, ladies. Don’t even have your teeth cleaned until we are clearer where this behavioral scientific knoweldge is taking us. Ssshhhh. Suspicious fruit flies are lurking overhead, and their intentions are not well known. Accept wings from no strangers and proceed with caution with lingerie brands specializing in special effects and gossamer. Anne

Reading: Battle of the Sexes: Researchers Change ‘Femaleness’ or ‘Maleness’ of Fruit Flies Science Daily

Sexy Fruit Flies Have Fewer Babies Anne of Carversville