J'Adore: Banana Trees Food

My little banana-exploration began innocently enough. Food erotica was not on my radar. I popped over toWired mag and stumbled head-first into banana erotica. Because I had such a lark with the Food Porn two weeks ago, I was revved up for another episode. I know that familiarity breeds contempt, but surely we have another run at the food erotica subject, before retiring the jersey.

“How decadent,” I murmured to myself, checking out this boldly-colored, yummy-flavored banana extravaganza, one of 10 food photos chosen as winners by Wired readers.  I rest my point, dear friends, that food porn is positive proliferating its slimey face all over America. None of us can escape its influence.

What would Madame Nature say? Bananas are yellow, darn it. They should not be dressed up like some transsexual cancan girls kicking up sand in the Desert.    

Priscilla Queen of the Desert

We must get back to basics here, and Anne is just the woman to lead the charge. A banana tutorial seems called for.

Banana plants are of the family Musaceae. They are cultivated primarily for their fruit, and to a lesser extent for the production of fibre and as ornamental plants. As the bananas are mainly tall, upright, and fairly sturdy, they are often mistaken for trees, when the truth is the main or upright stem is called a pseudostem, literally meaning “fake stem”, which for some species can obtain a height of up to 2–8 m, with leaves of up to 3.5 m in length. Each pseudostem can produce a bunch of yellow, green, or even red bananas before dying and being replaced by another pseudostem.

We’re saved by science. Does this tree have some underlying sexual, subliminal, toying-with-our minds message? No, thank heavens. We just need to stay away from techno Geeky, laddie boy magazines like Wired.  

Thinking that all was now right in the banana food porn world, I wandered over to Flickr for a simple bowl of banana granola or other wholesome banana fruit. Once again, my plan was derailed in an instant.

All right, all right, my dears. I admit it. Look, I have a most inquisitive mind, so I did search for banana porn. I get paid to be inquisitive. It was just an innocent flick of the mouse, and I was only staying a minute.  

I was soon out of banana porn until I saw this daring photo from lolliejean.

Yes, indeed. Lolliejean,  tagged this banana flower photo with the p-word. And, I hate to tell you, but there aare two more such photos. Lolliejean is an American woman living in Destin, Fla. She’s even got minature roses in the front yard. How innocent is that! But, my friends, Lolliejean not only has a very sexy photo of this banana plant. If you look closely on her flickr site … yes, indeed. Lolliejean has titled one of her quickie sets, a mere three photos of a shirtless man, “Born To Be Wild”.

Ah Lolliejean. I say, come out of the closet. If the shoe fits, just wear it, girl. Stop hiding behind those minature rose plants and be the totally sexy woman we know you are. It takes one to know one, Lolliejean. You’ve got the camera eye. You see things … well, differently.

I admit that Lolliejean had now totally corrupted my wholesome banana search, producing a decadent-looking yummy mummy flower, caught in the act of gestating a future banana boy or girl for us to eat.  I’m totally stumped. Apple blossoms, check. Cherry blossoms, check. Banana flowers??? I never thought about  banana flowers. I thought that bananas sort of … happened. You know, a bit like immaculate conception … bananas have biblical births.

I found myself trembling slightly as I prepared for my ultimate search.  What if my Flickr search produced a decadent array of totally out of control photos,  … savage, sprinkle-colored, Piscilla photos like the one in Wired magazine!! What if bananas aren’t wholesome afterall.

What if my entire kitchen is corrupted beyond hope. Not only is my sensual affliction the result of a daily dose of watermelon. I ADORE bananas. Ye gads!

 

Take one look at Anne’s banana photostream, and you will see that I lost the banana porn battle. I try so hard to tidy up the sensual chaos of our world, and here I am … done in by a banana tree. Some days it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed in the morning.

I rest my case, dear friends. We’re surrounded by it. Let’s see, what additional moral decay can I uncover next week. Just call me Investigator Anne, dedicated to cleaning up pollution on our planet, wherever it rears its sexy headress.

Love,
Anne