I’ve heard from Lilith this morning, and she is not amused with this lovely L’Officiel Thailand February 2013 editorial ‘Lady Lilith’. To recall Adam’s first wife who was not Eve — but a tempestous, intelligent, sensual goddess who refused to submit to male authority and stormed out of the Garden of Eden — as a worshipper of designer handbags and big baubles leaves one of our top GlamTribale goddesses in a fury. 

Lilith and I have known each other for decades. In the late 70s I launched a magazine ‘The Gospel According to Lilith’, the result of my honors thesis at NYU. It focused on the destruction of goddess mythology with the rise of monotheism. 

“Take a chill pill,” I advised Lilith just now. “I’ve had a tough weekend fighting off the Gang of 10 in New Mexico — those Republican women who want to imprison victims of rape or incest for three years, if they abort and destroy state’s evidence against the perpetrator. On Saturday, 2 percent of our search traffic came under the term ‘Babylon’ — and you know what that means. Neiman Marcus won’t advertise on AOC if you and I are taking our dying breaths. Can’t you just suck it in for one morning!”

Lilith says ‘no’ but she’ll not seek revenge on these well-meaning fashionistas trying to capitalize on her reputation. “At least Dante Gabriel Rossetti’s mistress Fanny Comforth exuded a robust sensuality in the painting ‘Lady Lilith’ that serves as inspiration for photographer Apichart Chaichulla’s Pre-Raphaelite-like images,” Lilith explained. 

“What do you want from me!” I shot back at her. “Ever since ‘Sex and the City’, women have been more interested in Manolos than Mr. Big. Sarah Jessica Parker is proud that she never had sex once on ‘Sex and the City’. I can’t change the world, Lilith! Leave me alone, because I’m doing my best fending off the social conservatives. Now you want me to take on L’Officiel Thailand? Get yourself another girl! Or blame the French!”

With that, the great goddess and first mother stalked off promising to return later today.

Truly, I apologize for Lilith busting up the tale of fashion editor Pop Kampol’s distinguished choices of Prada, Fendi, Dior and others to celebrate the majesty of such a feisty personality as Lilith. As for the meek and mild model Daria Fomina posing as the woman worshipped by hundreds of thousands of men and women across Sumeria in 10,000 BC, Lilith has no comment — except to say she doubts Daria has the nerve to boogie her own exit our of her very materialistic paradise.

Seriously, Lilith said that — not me. We Smart Sensuality women love style and … . “Now what, Lilith?” I’m so sorry, “What did you say Lilith? … Dragging your reputation through the mud like a materialistic golddigger? … No, no … we can’t say that, Lilith… Substance? You want substance? … Wait a minute, Lilith! Come back … “

Sorry folks. Lilith’s damned pissed this minute. I’ll explain to her ‘Lady Lilith’ is a wonderful tribute to her ability to jumpstart the global economy again with shopping. Remember — being the sum of one’s possessions wasn’t such a big deal during Lilith’s heyday. Even Cleopatra spoke seven languages so she knew what the Hebrews were saying about her behind her back.

Cleo, too, became a slut girl just like Lilith — but I’ll tell that tale another day. For now, my message is that virtuous women buy designer handbags and these are beauties! “Ow! … stop hitting me with a stiletto Lilith. Stop it!!” Peace out! ~ Anne