No Doubt About It - Women Must Learn New Rules in Business

Jill Flynn, Kathryn Heath, and Mary Davis Holt are principals of Flynn Heath Holt Leadership.

Five decades after the women’s movement gained momentum, I rebelled today over a NYTimes ‘Room for Debate’ Opinion Blog post asking the question: ‘Ban Fur? Then Why Not Leather?’

My annoyance came from the fact that of six essayists, five were men.

On this question of animal rights and environmental issues, there is a well-established research conclusion that women are more ‘progressive’ on this kind of question.

This story continues below, and I admit to blasting the NYT for having one woman grappling with the ethics of their question, rather than three. I also admit to consulting a man friend before putting the comment out there, given my public personality. He said “You’re right, Anne.”

Simply stated, I’m tired of being a good girl. Jill Flynn, Kathryn Heath and Mary Davis Holt, authors of a new book ‘Break Your Own Rules’ agree. In support of our own advancement and that of women generally, women must change our behavior.

Women should also not criticize other women who are playing by these six new rules, recognizing that it’s often women — not men — who hold each other back. It’s women who label each other selfish and too aggressive, when reality is that talented men can be both leaders and team players without criticism for taking care of themselves.

It’s time for a new script, one that fits with goals of the young millenial generation. Yes, they work together well, but there’s plenty of self-recognition and individualism among these talented young people.  Working on teams doesn’t mean that women must be wall flowers, waiting to be asked to dance.

Get out there and tango — just in case you think women can’t lead with female-centric values to make the business world better for all in the 21st century.

Jennifer Lopez & Richard Gere | Shall We Dance?

Women hold just 11 percent of the most senior-level leadership positions in U.S. Corporations—a number that hasn’t changed in over 30 years. How can women break through? Women lost our paltry 17% of Congressional seats in the 2010 elections, moving backwards for the first time in about 30 years in terms of political representation.

‘Break Your Own Rules’ distills the six faulty assumptions (or “rules”) most women follow that get in the way—then delivers the correlating new rules that promise to clear that path. For example, the old rule of “Focus on Others” must be replaced by “Take Center Stage,” “Hard Work Will Get You There” must yield to “Be Politically Savvy.” “Play It Safe” must give way to “Play to Win.” “Ask Permission” must be replaced by “Proceed Until Apprehended.”

This trio says the rules need changing in six major ways, and they outline them in this CNN article How small changes create big differences for women:

1. Take center stage: We tell women to dial back their nurturing impulse at work and invest in themselves and their career strategy. Your career is a business that needs a business plan.

2. Proceed unti apprehended: (Women) need to quit asking for permission and instead demonstrate behaviors that exhibit confidence. In terms of success, remaining behind the scenes — instead of pursuing bold ideas that you believe in — is a liability.

3. Project personal power: To project power, women need to pay attention to small details such as their non-verbal messaging. Stance, eye contact, tone of voice, and facial expressions all send a message to others about confidence… . One sure way to get passed over for a promotion is by remaining silent and allowing others to take credit for your success.

4. Be politically savvy: We coach women to build their careers as if they are running for office: articulate a perspective, create a platform, line up sponsors, put together a coalition — and then do it over and over again as their agenda changes.

5. Play to win: Women need to get comfortable with the risk of failure. Learn to take risk.

6. Have a both/and perspective. There’s no single way to succeed, but avoiding black and white thinking — and remaining flexible — can help. Because constant change is the norm today, dealing with ambiguity has become a skill that all of us (not only women) need to master.

Hearing Women’s Ideas

Do White Men Run NYT ‘Room for Debate’ Opinion Blog? | What Is the Gender Balance of NYT Writers in General? AOC News Musings

Dear NYT. Why — 48 years after ABC’s new show ‘Pam Am’ took flight — am I reading the pov of 5 men and 1 woman on this topic, when countless research surveys say that women are more ‘progressive’ on this question — at least philosophically. Couldn’t you cough off 2 women — if not parity — given the gender divide on this topic?

Men’s view that they rule nature, animals & women is not some feminist vision of reality, but the real deal based on numerous religious texts and Aristotle himself. A quick Google of women vs men vegetarians page 1, has numerous citations that women are 60% more likely to be vegetarians then men. For all I know, your writers are evenly split on the question, but I am tired of reading only the opinions of men on key questions about life in the 21st century — while we teeter on the brink of disaster in economic, environmental & women’s rights arenas.

My historical sense of humor and good nature — I get along beautifully with most men and have saved more than one male butt in corporate America — are gone on this gender-bias issue of opinion-makers, 50 years later.

For a supposedly progressive journalistic institution, please ask yourselves why you insist that readers are fed one gender’s views on these important topics? Care enough to look for female experts who can think and write clearly, and you will definitely find them. As to what women must do to gain their place on the podium, I am clueless five decades later.

Ellen Gayda & Body Inhabitance

Body Psychotherapist Ellen Gayda Defines ‘Body Inhabitance’ | Do You Live in Your Body or Have You Gone Fishing? AOC Health & Happiness

Taking Back Our Personal Power

For a woman, these moves are very aggressive. If you’re a regular AOC reader, you know that I believe in positive, proactive female power. I believe in women with beautiful muscles and toned bodies, not size 0 beauty standards with the expressed fashion industry message that female hips are deadly.

What inspires me about Ellen is not only her empathy but her willingness to confront the atrophy of female power, especially in women who have spent so much of their lives giving to others as moms. You know the story of woman as nurturer—and we are.

The downside of the nurturing paradigm is self-denial, a refusal to find power and a become a true benefit to all around us by nurturing our own selves without guilt.

In advance of her BodyWord Workshop on the Power of Inhabitance on October 16, I’ve suggested that Ellen spend more time explaining both her terminology and what happens in one of her workshops to readers and prospective participants.