Stately British Homes for Very Sexy Party People

Modern life presents dwellers of Britain’s “stately homes” with a variety of new options for paying the bills. From garden parties to weddings and funerals (I must check out this option), clever, entrepreneurial minds willing to embrace a few strangers running around embrace new and sometimes wildly exciting guest options.

The best strategies involve tapping into the young, marcissists, art lovers and even sex addicts. Turn the stately family birthright into a lucrative porn shoot location. Just be careful that enchanted guests don’t wander down the wrong staircase.

Curious? The London Times takes us on a tour of fresh thinking about renting out the grandest of mansions.

Susan Boyle for US Harper’s Bazaar “Unsung Hero”Harper’s Bazaar photographed Susan Boyle at Cliveden this summer.

Readers daydreamed in more ways than one. If Susan Boyle can indulge in the good life at Cliveden, what not us?

I think Susan’s stay at Cliveden was on the “up and up”, being surrounded by a pack of fashionistas, stylist, celeb photographer — hardly the kind of people we expect to find at an orgy.

The only lying around Susan might have done was getting a good night’s rest and perhaps enjoying her first hot stone massage.

Now that’s living the good life.

Guest enjoying a hot stone massage at London’s Cliveden Hotel near HeathrowWhat about porn shoots and orgies. Let’s get to the juicy bits of this story. One American director explains:

“We’ve got a Victorian piece coming up soon,” he says, “and you can’t shoot a girl in a corset walking around in a trailer park. You really need to have the grand scale. These houses are filled with sophistication and texture, the smell of leather. It’s very visceral and very sexual at the same time. For me, the juxtaposition between the finesse of the grand setting and the rawness of sex provides a perfect tension.”

Are you thinking that this feels like the movie “Eyes Wide Shut?” Ah yes, the Stanley Kubrick film that didn’t deliver on its sensual promise. As Tom Krider wrote in Film Quarterly, Kubrick was never good at engaging in deep though around human relationships.

As open-minded a quaisi-intellectual as I try to be, I walked out of “Clockwork Orange”, unable to process meaning of any kind, in the raw, emotionless sexual violence.

Eyes Wide Shut - the Death Ritual

Indeed, a comment on the London Times article “Stately homes paying the bills with sexy parties” reminds us: So what else is new?

Cliveden near Maidenhead has always been famous for sex - Christine Keeler and Mandy Rice Davis were almost residents. But with the advent of mobile phones that can take and send videos instantly there is no waiting for the reel to come back from Boots.

It makes total discal sense then, why the above-mentioned porn-shoot aristocrat also lets his mansion to Killing Kittens, a club for the world’s sexual elite. Ahem, the London times covered Killing Kittens last March: “Inside the sex club for girls.”

We learn that some UK landowners have learned that those 10ft-deep stone walls have a string of added benefits for dungeon lovers — I speak of sex dungeons.

These “dungeon breaks”, costing guests a cool £3,000, offer the latest S&M paraphernalia for couples and groups looking for a “fully furnished playground”, with a “professional dungeon mistress” as an added extra. “We live in a safe, materialistic bubble in the city,” says a regular fetish-party-goer. “Experiencing an actual castle dungeon, the dark, the stone, it throws you into a fantasy world. It makes fantasy a reality. Your imagination runs wild, and it becomes an out-of-this-world experience where you’re totally removed from your comfort zone.” via London Times

The Dutch organisers of the ‘masked orgy party’ are searching for new venues after discovering there is a “huge market” the events. Photo: SWNS The company ” Little Sins” has been selling hugely popular “erotic” parties in Germany, the Netherlands and Belgium for seven years, and is now trying to break into the British sex market.

Halswell House doesn’t advertise sexy parties on its website.Initially one of the company’s 42-year-old co-owner, Michelle Kreeft’s fantasias at Halswell House caused a public scandal and wedding cancellations from 26 future brides. Once the mud settled, all’s well that ends well at Halswell House, who agrees that the “bad” publicity has been good for business.

Other stately-home owners, she says, have even started approaching Kreeft for ” Little Sins” parties.

Of course, there is the always the potential for home owners to return home finding leather-clad “priests” acting out their favorite sexual fantasies or a menage a trois swinging naked from the rafters. It’s no secret that the sexually-repressed Victoria’s led wildly outrageous lives behind closed doors.

The most “culturally cppropriate” among us can enjoy a bloody fun time at Halswell House. Public decorum is one thing; the sexual reality of a country is another. Creative minds linger behind those dowdy tweed coats.

We’ve learned about voyeurism first hand the past month, being daring enough to write about New York’s new Standard Hotel. Featuring a couple sexy pics put us on the front page of a Google image search, which just confirms what I advise clients, when discussing sexuality.

What people say and what they do are two entirely different realities. Most of us have sensual fantasies; a few are daring enough to live them out.  Others are smart enough to know some experiences are best left in the mind, which explains the success of sexy romance novels and erotic films.

For a look at the sexy new elevator ride at New York’s Standard Hotel, enjoy the video. It’s only mildly sinful, just a tease of a sexy-pepper heat. The themes are similar to Eyes Wide Shut

Civilization by Marco Brambilla

If you wander over to Sexy Futures like tens of thousands of others on the Internet, then be warned. The visuals are saucy, as real inhabitants of the Standard share their photos. If Civilization is a mild pepper; my article A Sexy Voyeurism: New York’s High Line, The Standard Hotel & the Whole Darn Neighborhood is medium hot.  Anne